Two and a half years ago, my then four year old asked me how her auntie would get her baby out of her tummy. Luckily for me, her cousin was born via C-section so it was easy enough to answer. Fast forward two years, and she asks how ELSE do babies come out? I was very matter of fact when I answered that the mom pushes the baby out and she seemed satisfied with that answer. Until the other day as we were sitting down for a perfectly good lunch and she asked where does a mom push the baby out from.

WHAT?! It was so out of the blue, and I was completely unprepared to have this conversation! Panic set in. I felt like she already knew the answer but she really wanted to hear me say it. I was able to stall for a moment so I could frantically text my mother and scramble to search Google for suggestions. I found a post written by a childhood educator who said she simply took a turtleneck from her closet and pushed a doll through the… WAIT, WHAT?! Is that how it’s done now?? I am not doing that!!

I had to think. How did my parents talk to me about this? They either didn’t or I just blocked it out. Come to think of it, my dad apparently gave me “the talk” when my older sister first got her period. I guess he figured two birds, one stone, right? I was pretty young though, and I don’t remember that conversation or any future conversations on the subject. Maybe that’s why I’m so awkward and uncomfortable right now. OMG there’s no time to analyze that!! She’s looking at me!

Okay, so honesty is the best policy. I believe that one hundred percent. Putting it off just leads to confusion which brings more questions that I am not ready to answer. Ok, I can do this. Just get it over with. Rip the band aid off. I calmly sat back down and looked into those big inquisitive eyes and said, “the mom pushes the baby through her vagina.”

She gave me a pained look and said, “blah… Hey Mom, what does circumstance mean? Like what is a circumstance?”

WHAT?! So here I am, band aid torn off, pieces of awkward flesh stuck to it, exposing a big gaping wound of anxiety, and she’s over it? She just wants me to define a word now?? That’s all it took. The crisis is just over? That’s what I got so worked up over? Oh boy..